Chaotic

Hey folks.

Yesterday turned out to be even more chaotic work-wise than I had thought – and today, WHOA, I knew was going to be such but it is exceeding my expectations in a big way.

I knew the right thing to do yesterday was post and walk away from it for a good long while.  I intended to get back to it – but I never had a chance to do so when I was in the right frame of mind and felt like I had the time to sit down and give your comments all of the attention they deserved.  The result is that it’s over 24 hours later and I still haven’t even glanced at them at all – although I read and responded to one tweet and a handful of emails that you guys were wonderful enough to send.  (Including you, completely random reader who told a story of how I wasn’t alone – thank you so much for that.)

It turned out that yesterday was my biggest day of hits in a long time, only rivaled by days in which I posted more than once.  I imagine that most of that was you guys coming back to see what each other had written – and that is awesome.

You see, as I told my emailers, I was feeling really fucked up when I started writing…but I knew that writing it, and admitting weakness and fear, was an avenue to claiming strength and courage.  I knew that writing about how much of a struggle it would be, and how seriously I would take it, would make it okay to struggle with it.

And I knew that I had a whole load of people to back me up.  I didn’t need to look at the comments to know that.  That’s another reason I knew I could say what I wanted to and come out the other side better than before.  And I did – as I suspected, writing my way through it was a huge fucking weight off of my shoulders.  There are other weights, and many of those I still plan to keep private for now, but every one shed is a blessing.  And thanks to all of you for that.

I’m leaving tonight for a conference – a few nights of no-roommate-hotel-room solitude would be GREAT if I didn’t have to be professional and presentable during the day, but it still beats a poke in the eye with a sharp stick.  So I’ll likely be out of touch again for most or all of the next several days, but hopefully this is the end of my WORK insanity, so I can focus more on my personal insanity for a while.  Thanks again, folks – for everything.

Now to go and read the comments!

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3 Responses

  1. “I knew that writing about how much of a struggle it would be, and how seriously I would take it, would make it okay to struggle with it.”

    EXACTLY. You put in words what I’ve felt but have been unable to define, for my whole writing life!

    You’re right, I kept coming back to see what others had written. We’ve got such a great on-line community of friends, don’t we? 😀

    Have a safe trip!

    “You said what I’ve been unable to” is SUCH a high compliment, Tiff, and you know it. Thank you.

    And YES WE DO have such a badass crew of friends! 🙂

  2. I kept coming back for that reason too, and to see what you were going to say in response to all the comments, but also to check your Twitter feed.

    So you could do so without touching the ugliness of Twitter directly? 😉

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