TB, Beauty Consultant

Yesterday I’m sitting in the dentist’s chair, getting the most thorough cleaning of my life (that lady must REALLY LOVE her little iron hook scraper-thingy, because damn, she didn’t want to let it go) when the following conversation took place.

Mind you, I’m on my back, wearing the little paper bib, and she’s leaning over me in a surgical mask and safety glasses.  And a “lite” satellite radio station playing in the background.  Just to set the tone and all.

Dental Hygienist: Do you mind if I ask you a question about your hair?
TB: Or lack thereof?  Sure, go ahead.
DH: Do you shave every day?  Because your head is really smooth.
TB: Uh, yeah.  Every morning.
DH: Do you cut yourself often?
TB: Not really.  Not as much as you might think.  It was a little more frequent at first, but your skin sort of adjusts to it.  Usually if I cut myself it’s when I’m getting behind my ear or something.
DH: Does it take long?  I ask because my husband is losing his hair, and he keeps cutting it shorter and shorter and he says eventually he’s just going to shave it.
TB: (now realizing that she’s not just flirting with him)  Ah.  Okay.  No, it doesn’t take long.  I do it in the shower, and the whole shower-and-shave deal takes maybe 20 minutes.
DH: That’s not bad.
TB: I’ll give you some advice.  Go across the street to the Walgreen’s and drop $5-7 on something called a Headblade.
DH: (stopping, writing down)  …Headblade…
TB: Yep.  It’s a little yellow thing that fits over your hand and allows you to shave with a palm-open motion like rubbing your head.  [demonstrates motion on his noggin]  It takes cheapo Gillette Atra II blades.  I change mine once a week.
DH: Okay…
TB: I don’t bother with shaving cream or anything; I use cheapo Suave conditioner instead.
DH: Really?
TB: Yep.  Best advice I ever got was the Headblade+conditioner.  A guy told me once, “My wife uses conditioner to shave her legs, so she suggested I use it on my head…”  Works like a charm.
DH: Okay.  Wow.  Thanks!
TB: For what it’s worth, my wife really resisted the idea of me shaving my head, but when I finally broke down and did it, she liked it much better.  She said she was sorry I didn’t do so years earlier.  Your opinion may vary, but there ya go.
DH: Really, thanks a bunch!  I appreciate it!
TB: No problem, glad to help.

Do you think I should have held out for a tip?

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11 Responses

  1. “Next week: How to trim your nose hairs using a Roto-Tiller!”

    See, great example. I have lots of secrets to share.

  2. Marie: heh.

    I use conditioner to shave my legs too. It is SO much better than any other solution. Got that one from a stripper internet forum that BF used to frequent in his wild bachelor days.

    Hmm, I forget which guy on my moto forum mentioned it – it may or may not have been the guy with the stripper wife. 😀

  3. Sorry, I never got past ” little iron hook scraper-thingy”. **shudder**

    Meh. Compared to the drill, the scraper isn’t much to be afraid of, IMHO.

  4. Forget the tip! You should have got a blast of gas!

    Ah, nitrous. It’s been a while. I’m not sure if that’s good or bad.

    It is funny how often I’ve had that discussion (never when bibed up though) and my answers are pretty close to yours. Once this woman kept stroking my head while I spoke. After awhile I got the feeling she was listening to me.

    I had women ask to touch my hair when I was in high school and wore gelled spikes – never had a woman ask to touch my bald head, though. Your pimp powers must be stronger than mine!

    I don’t know if I could get used to the headblade. It looks too much like a Hot Wheel. I’d end up making vroom sounds and racing around my head.

    The wheels are a little funky, actually, but generally I like the Sport better than the Classic.

    I once cut my head (okay, not just once) but didn’t know it and a woman pointed it out so I said,

    “That’s the last time I go for the outpatient trephination.”

    Yep. I’ll stick with my Curly Howard model self-trepanning kit.

  5. Our dental cleanings are always right together. Mine was on Tuesday. I love getting my teeth cleaned! Like you said, better than the drill! I find if I do my flossing/brushing job, she puts the metal hook away a LOT faster. LoL 😀

    I got a serious lecture on flossing. Heh. Yes, dear, someone has shown me how to do it before…

  6. I be so temped to see what else I could shave with that thing…

    Personally speaking, you should have stopped flirting and just banged the DH. 😉

    From experience, if you forget to put your regular razor in your travel kit, you CAN shave your face with it. Just not that easily.

    I’m sure the six people around the open floor there would have enjoyed seeing me bend her over and really put that dentist’s chair through its paces…but I should at least warn them beforehand so they can bring their pre-printed 10.0 scorecards. 😀

  7. I’ll have to remember that for my husband. He’s getting to the point where I think he just wants to shave his head, which is slightly disconcerting for me considering I’m making a living cutting people’s hair.

    I just tell people “I get a haircut every day!”

    (I forgot to add – I also use aftershave on the noggin. Just FYI for those who are contemplating it.)

  8. Slaps MTAE! Geez! 😉 And what’s your DH’s name, dear? I’m requesting her when I call.

    Good luck; they rotate so often I think I’ve only had one repeat in eight years!

  9. She raped your gums and you gave HER advice? You were robbed.

    Hmm. You may have a point, here.

  10. When aboard I totally use Paul Mitchell’s The Conditioner to do my legs. Awesome when you buy the quart size for like $20 and it lasts for 2-3 years.

    When on land I use Todd’s shaving cream. Also cheap b/c we share.

    I buy the Suave kind, $2 for 20 or 22 oz or whatever, and it lasts me six to nine months. I still win!

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