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An Interlude

I have to tip my hat here to MTAE, who generally has the market cornered on locker-room stories…

I walked into the gym last night and headed to the locker room to dump my stuff before I punished myself for all the Halloween candy I’m eating.  I assiduously avoided the scale.  Oh look, there’s another Fun Sized Snickers in my desk drawer!  Pardon me.  *nom nom*  “Fun size” ain’t very fun, dangit.  Where was I?  OH YEAH.

So I head to the locker room and there’s a 58-ish guy in a towel with his back to me.  Not unusual; I avoid the main gym because it’s full of fratboys preening for the ponytails on the treadmills, so the funky third-rate gym I attend is often heavy on grad students and faculty.  This guy, however, is COVERED with this huge tattoo of a green dragon bursting into and out of his skin on his back.  Normally I don’t make conversation, but it looked like really good work and I love it when people compliment my tattoo, so I asked him about it and he turned around, smiled, and talked to me about it for a few minutes.

Dude had one pierced nipple and an intricate inner conch piercing, and more importantly, the dragon was even more intricate than I thought.  It breathed fire across his chest and he sorta adjusted his towel to show me that it continued all the way to his right thigh.  I’m thinking, “Cool, this old dude is a badass!” as we talk about who did the work, how long it took, how long he has left to finish it, etc.

Then another, younger guy walks in and the old dude says, “Hey, were you at [some club/restaurant name I didn’t recognize] last night?”
Young guy:  “Yeah!”
Old dude:  “Man, if I ever want lessons on how to build legs, you’re the guy I’m going to ask.  Your thighs are awesome!”
Me:  *blink blink*
Young guy:  “Hey, thanks, man!”
Old dude:  “Really!  Do you play soccer or something?”
Young guy:  “Rugby.”
Old dude:  “Cool!  Well, your legs look great.”
Young guy:  “My name is [blah], don’t be shy to ask questions!”
Old dude:  “Okay, [blah], my name is [blah]!”
Me:  *blink blink*
Old dude:  [to both of us]  “Hey, this is my first time here, is it okay to wear a towel in the sauna?”  [gesturing toward his towel]
Me & young guy:  [looking at each other]  “Uh, I don’t know, I don’t use the sauna!”
Me:  “I’d assume it’s okay!”
Old dude:  “Okay!  Thanks!”
Me:  [wondering to myself]  “Did I just get hit on, or witness a hit-on, or does he think I was hitting on him, or all of the above?”

Maybe I’ve been letting my sexiness go to my head a little TOO much lately.  I might need to dial it back.


16 Responses

  1. And here we women thought we were the only ones that had conversations like that!

    Not yesterday, apparently!

    • I was thinking the same thing! Girls make locker room small talk like that all the time. “Oh hey, you’re legs look great!” “What ARE you doing with your abs, they’re fantastic!” LoL

      I think B&G and MTAE can back me up on this: When a guy is referring to another guy’s legs, using the term “quads” or “hamstrings” is considered acceptable…when you start saying “You have great thighs” then you’re crossing over into different territory. 😀

  2. Yes, my friend, dial it back. 😉

    I read your ‘wondering aloud’ part and said in my own head “Wow! I did NOT get that from the conversation at all. But I’m a girl so…”

    Then I read the last sentence. Hee!

    I shouldn’t have said “aloud” because I didn’t say it out loud, so I just edited that above. But had you seen the interaction, you might not have wondered.

  3. In my personal opinion, only women and chickens have thighs.

    Since you started the conversation with a nearly naked man, YOU are in violation here. Even if this guy was blocking your locker, you shouldn’t speak to him. Everyone may have figured…since you intiated the conversation, that you were playing for the other team.

    AH. Admittedly, you are correct in that regard. 10 yard penalty, repeat first down.

  4. …and you will never, ever use that sauna.

    I don’t know if you were getting hit on or if he thought you were hitting on him; the conversation you had seemed neutral enough (though I didn’t get the complete transcript, so…), but yeah, MTAE’s right. Sadly though, I’m not sure when it would have been appropriate to talk to him about his tattoo since you couldn’t have seen it without his shirt off, thereby farking up the rule system (so that the answer to when it would be appropriate still equals never, which sucks for your interest in the tat).

    He was, however, TOTALLY hitting on the other guy. Not only do y’all not discuss ‘thighs’ by God, there was something totally fishy to that line of talk. If we’re post-workout, then old guy just saw young guy working out in the gym and took notice of his ‘thighs’ at that point – no need to mention ’saw you at’ unless you’re clarifying a point by the fact that both were at a club that declares something about them. If we’re pre-workout, then the concept that young guy was, in late October/first of November in the northern hemisphere, at a club at night wearing such attire as would show off his upper leg muscles in any fashion – let alone to the extent that old guy would see them to comment on it to that degree, particularly in the usual club environment of people en mass, moving, *in the dark*.

    I, therefore, submit to the committee my final summarization that should old dude/young guy be in the locker room with you again, I’d appreciate it if you would attempt to fart a lot or crush beer cans on your forehead.

    Our conversation was fairly innocuous – “Nice work” “Thanks!” “Who did it?” “Blah blah at blah blah blah” etc. But yes. Young guy was pre-workout, so yes, he must have seen his quads before. That was my way of thinking.

    Admittedly your last paragraph made me laugh!

  5. It’s hard to tell without being there. I mean, how DO you compliment, as one guy to another, a specific body part? I don’t think there was hitting going on, but I wasn’t there, so YMMV.

    I kind of agree with Dys’ last paragraph, though.

    Like I said, it is acceptable in certain circumstances to compliment a muscle group – “lats” “biceps” “delts” but when you get into sexualized areas, you’re walking a fiiiiiine tightrope. I might admire another guy’s legs, but telling him about it? A whole ‘nother ballgame.

    Saying “I know where to go for lessons?” That’s a whole separate sport, I think.

  6. Not being hit on:

    Guy mentions that dragon goes down to his thigh.

    Definitely being hit on:

    “…and he sorta adjusted his towel to show me that it continued all the way to his right thigh…”

    Towel adjusting constitutes flirtation. All comments about thighs, clubs, etc. are just icing on the already defined cake.

    Damn, dude, I thought I’d replied to this comment and just noticed I hadn’t. My bad, I wasn’t trying to ignore you!

    That thought ran through my head, but I thought “nah, I’m reading too much into it.” THEN came all the thigh talk.

    And Dys’ last paragraph made me snort Dr. Pepper up my nose at my desk. Full points to Dys.

    It was a damned good one!

  7. When I belonged to a gym I rarely talked to women in the locker room.

    But then I couldn’t resist when i saw a woman pull a quart sized bottle of hair gel out of her bag. Literally. A quart.

    “Holy crap! That’s a lotta hair gel. You won’t have to buy any for years! Ha ha ha!” I joked.

    “yeah, I know. I actually use it to fill up the smaller one at home,” she replied.

    “You’d think you’d do that the other way around. You know, so you don’t have to lug around that gigantic bottle of hair gel in your gym bag,” I suggested as I held up my little bottle of shampoo that I kept in my bag.

    “Wow, that’s a great idea!” her face lit up. “You’re smart!”

    So, while my great ass, thighs and calves have never been complimented in the locker room, I was admired for my brain. LOL.

    As for that last line, well, you can always try the other locker room for opposite results! 😀

  8. It’s official: MTAE is no longer the master of the locker room stories.
    And I NEVER know when I’m getting hit on (not that it happens much anymore), so I’m bad at analyzing this stuff. But I think you were totally getting hit on.

    He may no longer have the market cornered, but he IS still the master!

  9. It seems to me someone (who’s name will be withheld but it rhymes with Sowistpiker) is thinking quite highly of himself in skinny jeans.

    As pointed out by the great MTAE there was a rule violation. Now, TB, I’m not saying you couldn’t inquire about his artwork, but couldn’t you have waited until he was at least pantsed? You did mention the work began on his back.

    As funny as Dys’ last paragraph was, I’m not sure farting and can crushing couldn’t be construed as some metrosexual call to arms.

    “Is that scent from a crushed can of bud? Well, would you like to see my rugby scar?”

    As far as the other guys hitting on each other, point one: Young Guy recognized Old Guy from a club the night before. I don’t know about you, but I’ve forgotten people I was with the next day.

    Gawdspeed and zipper up, TB.

    “rugby scar” BWAHAHAHAH!!

  10. I had a “funny” thing happen to me today in there (other than forgetting underwear at home) but I will wait for a few days to let this locker room story settle.

    Bah, the locker room is your domain, go for it!

  11. As I would tell the Big Stupid Biker (who was a tad of a homophobe) “Don’t flatter yourself, cupcake.” Heehee! 😉


  12. LOL. This made me laugh as I had a similar experience. I think that the locker room is much like the men’s room in the sense that you shouldn’t START conversations there and your eyes generally shouldn’t wander.

    While I applaud people who are comfortable enough in their own masculinity/heterosexuality to comment on another man’s attractiveness, you never know when you’re being come on to so that makes this scenario problematic.

    I dunno if I’d call that situation particularly “problematic,” but it sure as hell fit a definition of “awkward.”

    Of course, around me, that’s normal.

  13. You mentioned the tattoo on his back… it was the old dude who voluntarily told/showed you all the places it went. Then he talked to someone 35 years his junior about his thighs (do guys usually look at another guy’s thighs and what exercises are best?)… because he remembered the kid from a bar/club the night before? EW.

    Not you. Totally him. Ew. I think you might want to cool it on the half-naked tattoo, even if the tattoos are really cool.

    Roger that. This episode will DEFINITELY replay in my head the next time I get the urge.

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