That’s the AFTER shot?

OK, pardon me for just a second, but I just looked at my watch and it’s rantin’ time.  Get your helmets on.

WHISKEY TANGO FOXTROT?!?!?  God almighty how I wish I could punctuate this whole post with the sound of a thrown wrench striking a concrete fucking floor.

Image of Ultra-Thin Ralph Lauren Model Sparks Outrage

You’re goddamned right it sparks outrage.  What the fuck are you thinking when THIS is the “after” result of your Photochopping?

Seriously, show of hands.  I don’t care if you’re a regular of this blog or just coming over for a few minutes.  Somebody tell me.  Who the fuck thinks that looks good? If I saw that woman in a darkened bar after my fourth bourbon I’m not sure I’d look back in her direction.  And this is what you paid some photo retoucher gawd knows how much money to turn in as an end result?  The retoucher needs to throw in an external trellis frame or something, because there’s not enough bone mass there to hold up her ginourmous goddamned head.  Which, as was pointed out in the linked article above, is roughly the size of her waist.

In my not-so-humble goddamned opinion, this has gone way the fuck past the point of ridiculousness.  It’s beyond my standard joke of “if I wanted a girl that looked like a boy, I’d just go fuck a boy.”  (Even though that is scout’s-honor true.) We have tripped over the line of “bad idea” and stumbled headlong into the fucking-A ludicrous.  The only sanity that I can remotely attach to such an image is the thought that somewhere, somehow, there’s this massive colony of anorexia fetishists, and they buy a shitload of women’s clothing, and so it makes sense to advertise for them.  In which case, fine, let them get their own fucking magazine and they can fill them with concentration camp refugees to their hearts’ content.  But why the fuck are the rest of us being subjected to that?

Hell, I’m a man and as such I have no direct stake (although admittedly a vital indirect stake) in women’s body image, and that picture just goddamn pisses me off.  Look, people, god’s truth, even without a gun to my head I will admit that, all other things being equal, if given the genie’s choice between surrounding myself with average people or a whole big stack of gorgeous women, I’d take the gorgeous women.  Call me chauvanist or atavistic or whatever; I like beauty around me.  But that ain’t beauty.  It wouldn’t be if it was 100% natural; and it sure as hell ain’t since it’s artificial.

You know what I’m thinking of right now?  A 30-second moment in my day yesterday.  I was trudging my way back to my car at the end of the day, and up ahead there was a girl on a perpendicular sidewalk crossing my path.  I couldn’t see her face, but she was wearing short-shorts and she had thighs that made me take notice.  You know why?  Because they would each individually make two of the thighs in that photo. They were long, tan, strong, dancer’s or athlete’s thighs.  Like a healthy person might have.  God fucking forbid.

That’s my  idea of beauty.  Some people’s ideas vary, and it’s a good thing, because otherwise you’d all be lesbians and I’d be shit out of luck.  But for the fucking life of me I cannot comprehend what makes people try to create an image like the one above as an end product.  As a goal.  As an ideal.  I just cannot understand it.


11 Responses

  1. […] Rant Ahead Okay, so I just popped off and spewed a big fat rant on body image over on my blog.  In retrospect, that might have been better done here, because […]

  2. Yeah, I saw that picture and immediately thought, “Ew!” It doesn’t even look real, like the head doesn’t match the body. Her hair is the biggest part of her, for crying out loud! It’s just disgusting – that advertisers think this is the look that sells, and that the models themselves buy into it. I doubt this girl even gets her period anymore, for God’s sake. Just disgusting on all levels.

    If that photo was real, the hair would probably be 15% of her body weight.

    • And after reading the article and realizing that most of that is Photoshopped atrociousness, a couple of more thoughts popped into my head – one, we should ALWAYS use our photoshop powers for good. Two, who was the idiot in marketing who approved this image as a piece of good work? And three… damn, them clothes is fugly. Also, skinny model is already skinny, no need to skinny her further! She’s probably going to have a complex that they saw fit to photoshop her ALREADY size… what, one? Zero? Down to an even smaller size. FEEEEEEHHHH.

      Agreed on all counts! I guess they’re going to start marketing clothes to women with sizes like 3/16th or -2.

  3. The only problem I had with that particular picture, actually, was the poor photoshopping skills and the fact that someone was pissed off at someone else for pointing it out.

    The real problem is the models that actually LOOK LIKE THAT and the people who think that it is acceptable.

    I agree with you about the real models, but I think the fact that this is the end target of an airbrushing session is what’s driving the acceptability of those real models. You know, maybe some poor girl is naturally abnormally skinny; I find that wholly unattractive but that’s not her fault. The fact that every woman on the planet is pointed in that direction saying “this is your ideal body” by the same mindset that drives said airbrushing is what I really cannot fathom.

  4. You see, TB, she really does want to put on some weight but with her lack of arm strength she can’t pick up a fork.

    I could believe it.

    My first question (well, my second, my first – before I really looked and knew it was photoshoped – was, ‘why would they do a shoot near a fun house mirror?’) was, ‘How’s she get out of bed in the morning? There’s no way that neck could lift up that hair.’

    I could believe THAT, too!

  5. Just… YUCK!

  6. That’s GOTTA be photoshopped. Badly.

  7. I agree with Laura, and with you. Amen.

    Also, here’s a napkin to wipe the spittle up from wherever you were ranting in real life. 😀

    Thanks for the napkin. I meant at one point to mention that I was foaming at the mouth but I got so pissed I forgot!

  8. Yuk, that is foul. The graphics person should be flogged.

  9. I wrote my master’s thesis on this subject that you unknowingly brought up: the 3rd person effect the media has on female body shapes. Broken down the theory goes like this: women see ads like the one above and are offended because 1) that’s not realistic; and 2) is gross and unhealthy. HOWEVER… the media produces such images in a way that make us believe that men like that look and therefore we should look like that in order to get into or maintain our current relationship.

    My research indicated exactly what you said: while there are slight differences for race, men don’t like stick figures; they want something to hold onto (a little bit more flesh). Turns out it’s the women who prize the thin frame.

    Similarly, and I’ve said this before but I can’t remember if it was here or over on No Butts, I think men assume that women want big, bulky, bodybuilding men when in fact there’s a point beyond which women are actively turned off. Men assume they want Lou Ferrigno, when women really want Brad Pitt.

    Of course spending months on this research didn’t change what I saw in the mirror. I abuse myself all the time to get what I believe is the perfect body because unless I look like something out of a magazine, no one will want me. Although he says I’m beautiful, I feel as though the boyfriend is embarrassed to be seen with me in public as he shies away from me when other people are around and won’t look at me. I don’t have the luxury of not being around me; I’m my companion 24/7 and you have no idea how painful it is not to be perfect.

    We all carry that around, but for some of us it’s more heavy than others. At least if you recognize that you’re carrying that bullshit then you can lighten it just a LITTLE. (Sadly, nowhere near enough.)

  10. […] Taoist Biker As Crisitunity so aptly noted, I was a slavering lunatic the other day when I wrote my rant on the Ralph Lauren photoshop horror.  It took me a good solid hour or so to calm […]

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