Upright

Yeah, I missed a day of posting. I took Boy to school yesterday, went back home, and slept until 11:30. Which happens frequently in my house, but only for the people in the house that have vaginas.

I’m already feeling better today though, which is another good sign that I just have a cold (with bad timing) and NOT the flu. Therefore there is no truth to the rumors that I sent Kim’s husband a cd full of death metal to distract him while we exchanged viruses via tonsil-hockey et cetera.  No truth, I tell you.

Anyway.

Things are slowly returning to normal, and at this rate I may be able to remove myself from semi-quarantine in the house by tomorrow and allow myself to spend some time around Dys and Boy again instead of pretty much retreating to the couch farthest from them to play poker on the Xbox and watch movies that they hate.

On the plus side, to do my part NOT to infect my family or coworkers, I’ve been hitting the antibacterial hand gel stuff pretty hard.  So now my hands are as soft as a baby’s butt.  Because you just KNOW the ladies love that in a man.

“Oh, he was bald and pudgy and super geeky and as it turned out not all that well endowed but OMFG his hands were the softest ever and so I just had to have him right then and there!  And they were even softer than I imagined! So that’s why I’m talking to you now – I’m trying to get all my girlfriends together to fulfill his harem fantasy this weekend.  Are you in?”

“They were that soft? Count me in!!!”

Shut it.

More bulletins as warranted.  Crankiness expected to decrease with time.

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9 Responses

  1. Rumor or no rumor, this whole post made me blow snot. In a good way.
    And while I made the rookie mistake of NOT quarantining (that looks so wrong but too lazy to check) myself, tonight I will commence with the stripping of the bedding, Lysoling every possible surface and throwing away everything my mouth has touched. Well, not EVERYTHING, but you know.

    I’m sure Brian’s happy. 😀

  2. Shutting it.

    Damn right you are. 🙂

  3. Hmm… perhaps I need some of your antibacterial hand gel. My hands, while not rough like a guy’s, are drier than desired and I detest the greasy feeling lotions tend to leave. And I’m not really patient enough to wait for it to all just soak in and be absorbed into my skin, which tends to leave a bit of a greasy smear on whatever I touch next.

    “Hand cleansing gel with moisturizer!” Be careful, though, you may have to start fending off the chicks like I have.

    Glad to hear you’re feeling better! I’ve managed to get out of taking Dude to the bus (uphill, both ways- really!) with this cold thing. The husband has been taking him to the bus in the morning on his way in to the office, now that he’s no longer being ordered to quarantine himself at home. However, I do not go back to bed as there are critters to feed, hay to toss, etc. Luckily, Wednesdays are “late start” days for Dude’s school. So, I get to sleep in an hour on Wednesdays.

    Late start, yay! Critters that can’t fend for themselves when you’re sick, booooo.

  4. After a couple of bottles of “antibacterial hand gel stuff,” people are going to start talking…

    Clean up your mangina and get back to work…

    Dude, that got a LOL out of me. High-five!

  5. I laffed at the imagined dialogue about had to have him right then and there. Take it from someone whose youth was spent lusting after Patrick Swayze’s shoulders: you never know what’s going to turn them on. Srsly.

    Ooookey dokey!

    I must point out irritatingly that those hand sanitizers are one of my least favorite modern inventions. Not just because the whole country’s germ-paranoia bugs me, but because those sanitizers strip off the natural protective oils of your skin, leaving your skin and therefore you more open to any bugs floating around…unless you constantly use the sanitizer. Hence buying a lot of it. (Goddamn corporations.) I vote for using it sparingly, if at all.

    Soap and water would be better, I know, but stupidly the soap and water are a long way and several germ-encrusted doors from my office. And assuming there are paper towels left in the men’s room, which is always a joy to gamble on. Especially when you REALLY have to take a whiz.

  6. So, is Axe making hand sanitizing gel now? Sweet!

    If they do, you’d best believe I’ll gladly sue for meeeellions.

  7. 11:30 – well yeah, but I go to bed at 4 a.m.!! 😛

    I may have to test this ‘soft hand’ thing for myself. Just as soon as you are rid of Le Plague.

    You mean you want to use the gel, don’t you?

  8. I wouldn’t need you to be rid of the plague for me to try the gel, now would I?

    Of course, the fact that I’m sitting here working with my hoodie on and the hood actually UP while still shivering with chills may not bode well for either of us.

    Well, you’d need me to be rid of the plague to bring the gel home from work.

    And no, probably does not bode well.

  9. Will the bring anti-bacterial hand gel into tournament poker – Now there’s one to think about – All those cards being handled hmm

    I’d recommend it. I saw that episode of “Time Warp” on the Discovery Channel.

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