Last night I was on the way home when I was passed by a bona fide Compensation Mobile.  Big Dodge truck, lift kit so it’s way off the ground, loud exhaust, window stickers, the whole 9.

And, of course, a pair of those dumbass plastic testicles hanging from the trailer hitch.

Are they funny?  Perhaps, in a vague way, but I personally think they’re pretty goddamned stupid.  And they make you seem like you’re trying really really hard to let people know you’re a guy.  And if you’re trying that hard…well, you know what I’m getting at.  Especially if you’re driving an overly large, overly loud 4×4.  With nary a mud speck visible, by the way.

I’ll be honest – I was wishing I could take a carpet knife to those bad boys, and turn that big truck into a gelding.  Anybody compensating THAT hard could use a little, um, deflation.  IMHO.


15 Responses

  1. Those things are totally disgusting. 😛 Who the hell wants to have to explain that to their 8-year-old daughter for crissakes?

    I knew you’d back me.

  2. I bet the same guy who tried to explain things to his kid heading outta P’town.


  3. That said, I agree also. It’s just the kind of thing you’d expect on what I call a ‘pussy truck.’ That’s a decked out, overly large truck that’s totally useless or will never do real work.

    A friend of ours, a big guy, offered to help us move a large entertainment center. He’s got a huge truck so you’d think I’d jump at it. But I didn’t. Why? Pussy truck.

    He fought and whined, my girlfriend said to do it but I knew it was going to be a useless trip. But, out voted (only hers counted – you know how that is), I went to his truck.

    “Does this come off?” I asked about the hard shell covering the bed of his truck.

    “No. It’ll be fine.”

    “No, it won’t.”

    Guess who was right? I’ll give you a hint. I wouldn’t be writing this if I was wrong.

    I lifted the hard top and the only thing this truck would be good for moving would be a picnic basket. It opened a good six inches at the back and tapered downward.

    But, remembering I was out voted, we left. We carried the heavy entertainment center to the back of his truck. I looked the various sizes we would be working with and informed him this would not fit. You know what comes next. That’s right. We tried to place a 6×6 object into a ants vagina.

    In the end, we did use the truck.

    It turns out I was wrong. It took more than a picnic basket. We also put in pillows.

    Those hard shells sure look nice, but I’ve already got a car with a trunk. And I bet I can fit as much crap in my car, counting the back seat, as you could in one of those covered-bed trucks.

    • I know your wife could fit at least that much stuff in the car, without even bringing my packing zen to the table!

      It’s true. Dys has l33t p4ck1ng sk1llz.

      • I know and we have. When we got back and she saw how little was in the truck she got mad at me! Come on! Consider me for a moment. If *I* tell you something’s a stupid idea you really should pay attention.

  4. Those plastic testicles are so stupid.

    Around here most of the trucks with lift kits, etc, are covered in mud and well-used for the purpose of getting lost in a mud bog somewhere.

    It’s the shiny Corvette with the vanity license plate that makes me pipe up and say, “Dude, your penis is showing.”

    Corvettes are borderline. I sometimes feel a little more sympathy for the midlife-crisis-mobiles. Maybe the guy wanted all his life to have a Corvette and can just now afford it. (But probably it’s just a big shiny dick.)

  5. Bwahahaha! I was telling Bill about your post and he didn’t know what I was talking about with the truck balls. So I googled them (googling truck balls sounds dirty, eh?), pulled up a picture and showed him. He made the funniest face. I said he needs a pair for his truck… “I think not,” was his reply. Followed by my laughter.

    Good man! 😀

  6. Actually, you know what reeeeeally pisses me off about those things?

    Some dumb f-er out there is rich because of those nasty plastic balls. Where’s the karma in that?

    Testicular cancer?

  7. I am totally putting a giant pair of boobs on the grill of my jeep.

    HAH! I bet that would be more likely to cause car accidents from staring, but hey…

    • Yeah, the jeep would be all like “Eyes up here, boys!” LOL

      It would probably do as much good as it does for you ladies.

  8. I hate those things and border on a brain anuryism (?) when I see them either on a vehicle or in a store. Then I want to wait and see which dumbass who is either in possession of them or wants to be, so that I can beat them with crowbar (nope, no anger issues here).

    Oh! So glad to hear it. Don’t you spend all day with a sharp pair of scissors in your hands? Eesh! 😀

  9. I wish I had no idea what you’re talking about.
    But I live in South Carolina.

    Yup. *sigh* The pride we Southerners sometimes feel.

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