Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow

Doesn’t that sound like one of those Looney Tune title puns?

If so, I’m so proud of myself right now.

Anyway.

Maleesha done gone and give me an idea about something to write ’bout rye-cheer in this heeyuh post.

Hair tales.

Age Four:

White-blonde hair.  Typical little-boy cut.

Age Eight:

Hair turning light brown.  Typical little-boy cut.

Age Ten:

Hair light brown.  Typical little-boy cut…except for the rat-tail.  1984 in the house, beeyatches!  WOO!

Age Thirteen:

Hair lightening a bit.  Short, spiked up on top.

Age Fifteen:

Mullet from hell.  Collar-length or a little longer in back, stiff 1″ spikes up top.  I go through a bottle of gel a month.  Girls occasionally ask if they can touch my hair.  I think this is awesome.

Age Sixteen:

Totaled my first car a month after I got my license.  Court date!  Cut my long hair off.  Pretty pissed about it.

Age Seventeen:

Growing it out again.

Age Nineteen:

Fucking bangs getting in the way!  Year of the Hat while my bangs grew out.  Also, year of the egg-beater in the hair story.

Age Twenty:

Hell yeah.  Badass long hair in full effect.

Age Twenty-one:

Senior picture time.  Bored with long hair anyway.  Buzzcut time:  #2 guard on the blade.

Age Twenty-five:

Boy, I’d love to grow my hair back again, but my hairline!  Eesh.  No Devin Townsend look for me.

Age Thirty:

Dys cuts my hair once a month with a #2 guard.  Tiresome.

Age Thirty-two:

Dys leaves for a week.  After debating it with her for some time, I take advantage of her absence to go to a #1.  She doesn’t notice. A few months later I remove the guard altogether.

Age Thirty-three:

I’ve heard good things about the Headblade

Age Thirty-four:

I think I’ll grow my beard down to my chest.

Age Thirty-five:

Who needs hair?

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11 Responses

  1. heh heh…I hadn’t read about the eggbeater. sweet!

    Yep, that’s a good’un.

  2. The only thing that could’ve made that any sweeter was if you’d made that a photo essay. And yes, that is a challenge. Should you choose to accept it, I promise to humiliate myself completely and share my very worst 80’s Big Hair Aqua Net & Mousse combo picture with the world.

    Most of the more interesting pictures are at home in Virginia, so a photo essay probably isn’t in the offing. But there IS the link to half-a-photo of my long hair up there, at least… (Note: That’s the picture Dys carried with her, semi-surreptitiously, for six months or so before we met.)

  3. a. I am POSITIVE I’ve seen “Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow” as the name of a salon. Some of the best puns I’ve ever seen were names of hair salons. Cf. “Curl Up and Dye” from Earth Girls Are Easy.

    b. Rat-tails and mullets from hell. Snicker. Gen Y has its share of horrible fashion choices, but rat-tails were out by the time I was done with elementary school.

    c. Every time you use the phrase “in full effect” I hear half the lyrics of “No Diggity” in my head. You are such a nice, nice man for doing this to me as much as you’ve been using that phrase lately.

    d. Kim, I want to see that picture of you now now now now.

    a. “Earth Girls Are Easy.” How in the hell did you see that flick? Me, I was a teenaged guy when it came out and even I sat there at the end thinking “Ugh.”

    b. Luckily we phased them out in favor of parachute pants.

    c. Oh, shit, I apologize. Me, when I say that phrase I’m thinking of Tone Loc as the voice of Pee Wee in the animated version of BeBe’s Kids. (Specifically see 8:25-8:38. Am I the only one who’s seen that?)

    d. I bet I’ve seen it…on every page of my high school yearbooks. 😀

  4. Yes – my hair wasn’t what I’d call “unique” for the time. But it did me proud.
    I might have to bust out with a pic now, just for shits and giggles.

    I think every time I open my yearbooks the hole in the ozone layer widens. 😀

  5. I’ve already shared some of my ‘big hair’ attempts! It is someone else’s turn. Hahaha!!

    I never had “big hair” – there were times I wished I did! Now, I’m glad for the lack of photographic evidence…

  6. Dude, I *like* my hair. So does the Sadist for some odd reason…Likes to grab me by the hair…oh, where was I?

    About four steps inside the borders of Becca’s Fantasyland, from the sound of it. 😀

  7. I have had the same haircut for about 25 years. *yawn*

    I don’t know that I look too much different now than I did when I chopped the hair off in ’94, really. A bit, I guess.

  8. Fun idea 🙂

    (I remember the egg-beater story.)

    Once heard, it’s hard to forget!

  9. I would have totally asked to touch that age fifteen mullet of yours, all nice and gelled, hahahaha 😉

    Woo, it still works!

    No, wait, it doesn’t work retroactively, does it? Phooey.

  10. I have the same haircut now as I did when I was 10. That’s so messed up!

    I dunno, I kinda have the same haircut now that I had when I was a few days old.

  11. I’m going to scan in some old pics of me “through the ages” for you bloggy people to laugh at- I had HUGE hair in my teens.

    Of course, these days I totally agree that having hair is totally overrated… :p

    Woohoo, photos!

    It’s more overrated in the summer than in the winter, I can tell ya. 😉

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