Movies to Watch While Intoxicated

It’s been a beautiful day here so far, a break from the ridiculous heat of the past few weeks.  This morning was a gorgeous, low-60s low-humidity experience of the sort that makes me ache for a motorcycle again.  Stunning.

Anyway, in honor of 8-8-08, I wanted to offer this little tidbit:  Eight Movies To Watch While Intoxicated.

I’ve been thinking about this for some time, actually.  These are lists of movies that I not necessarily don’t enjoy while sober, but definitely have enjoyed a lot more while decidedly un-sober.  I considered a bunch and have crossed off quite a few possibly worthy contenders, but surely I’ve blanked on a TON more.  So go ahead, argue with my choices and suggest some others, it’ll be fun!

Mayhap I’ll participate in a little recreational imbibing and cinemaphilia tonight, even…

I can (and will, with little or no provocation) spout off the praises of each of these movies at length, complete with quote after quote after quote, but I’ll try to restrain myself in the blog itself.  Get me started in the comments, however, and you’re taking big risks!

In no particular order:

Tombstone
“Ah’m yuh huckleberry.”

A highly underrated badass movie.  C’mon, that cast is a murderer’s row of badasses (look at the cast list, ferfuxake) doin’ badass things and saying hellaciously quotable things while doing so.   A quotable movie is a great drunken movie.  (For this reason, MST3K is also even more hysterical while inebriated, but that’s a whole different category.)

And as a complete bonus, Dana Delany looks hot in this movie.  Mmm-hmm.  You know it.

Big Trouble in Little China
“Like I told my last wife, ‘Honey, I never drive faster than I can see, and besides that, it’s all in the reflexes.'”

No, I’m not a Kurt Russell fanatic, but this one is a camp classic, b’gawd.  I first saw this movie when I was about 13 or 14 and knew it was campy then, I just didn’t care.  All that martial-arts-legendary-magic stuff with a heavy frosting of cornball humor was right up my alley.

Hard Target
“Now why don’t you take your peeg-steecker, and your boyfren’, and find a bus to catch?”

Face/Off was probably the better John Woo film, and certainly has the WAY over-the-top performances by Cage & Travolta, but this movie is more laughably awesome.  For some reason Wilford Brimley as Uncle Douvee just slays me.  “Good whiskey make jack rabbit slap de bear!”  And Lance Henriksen makes a great villain.

Predator
“I ain’t got time to bleed.”

Truthfully, pretty much any action movie is better watched drunk than sober, but this is a great one.  Not much plot except to show people getting whacked, left right and center.  And occasionally having Arnold flex.  With a few shots and a few pals, it still makes for a few hours of fun.

Highlander
“Nuns.  No sense of humor.”

While the concept is great, you have to admit that a lot of this movie is kinda crappy, and it certainly hasn’t aged well.  Hell, the TV show put it to shame.  But again, with a few shots, you don’t notice the crap, you just notice the kickassness underneath.  There can be only ONE!

Clue
“I hated her, so much… it-it- the f – it -flam – flames. Flames, on the side of my face, breathing-breathl- heaving breasts…”

Let’s face it, Clue is awesome anytime, night or day, drunk or sober.  But the last time I watched it I was a wee bit tipsy, and I laughed even harder than usual, so I’m puttin’ it on the list.

Army of Darkness
“THIS…is my boomstick!”

Any questions?  Hell no, there are no questions.

Snakes on a Plane
“I say, old bean, I’m rather flummoxed by the presence of these serpents on board our aircraft.”

Sober:  Meh.  Drunk:  Teh awesomestest1!1!! movie evar!!1!1!!!!

***

There’s eight – let the arguments begin!

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15 Responses

  1. I was gonna add Harold and Kumar Go to Whitecastle, because that show is just too awful for words sober.

    Aw, c’mon, you have to admit the Neil Patrick Harris bits are hysterical.

  2. The Drunk Movie Critic! I see a career change in your future. You could make this part of your radio show. Of course, reading your notes may be a little tough.

    “The lead was spectacular or it’s was a spatula.”

    You leaned heavily on the fast paced/action/goofy genre which is a good move. You’re more forgiving of plot holes and, as you’ve pointed out, all you need is a great line or two and the movie can pass the drunk test.

    I watched Big Trouble last week. Yes, I was drinking. I think comedies from the 80’s would be good candidates (Adventures In Babysitting, Night Of The Comet, Bachelor Party, About Last Night, The Chauffeur, Can’t Buy Me Love, Better Off Dead, Golden Child, Hardbodies, One Crazy Summer, Valley Girl, Road House, Tough Turf, Young Einstein – I cheated with an 80’s movie web site) but I really think you’re on the right track with your mix of action/silly.

    it’ll be interesting to see what else makes it to the show!

    Road House almost made the cut, but it’s on so many of those “so bad it’s good” lists that I thought it was unoriginal.

    Still much more entertaining drunk, though. “But I’m on my break!”

  3. Any movie with Corey and Corey is just gonna be better while drunk. Best if blackout drunk, but that’s beside the point.

    My vote for GOOD movie that’s better drunk is “Officespace”.

    Best movie NOT to watch while slightly inebriated, “The Matrix” by a mile. The plot holes don’t get any better, and nothing’s weirder than when someone randomly says “I think that guy’s a CHICK!” and you have NO idea if they mean Trinity or Neo.

    Good points, especially the Coreys. I’ll have to give “Learning to Drive” a drunken spin.

    As a complete aside, a few years back Kelly LeBrock was on Celebrity Fit Club when we flipped past, and Dyskinesia went into total “HOLY SHIT!” mode. She looked, bluntly, like hammered shit. Dys talked about how hot she was in Weird Science (another potential drunk film, btw) and how she wished she could be as hot as Kelly LeBrock – “Hell,” she said, “it’s official – I’m hotter than Kelly LeBrock!”

    This weekend we were flipping channels and she stopped on the train wreck that is “The Two Coreys.” And I got my moment. No matter how insane this idea would have been in high school, it’s official: I now think I’m better looking than Corey Haim.

    Drugs are bad, mmkay?

  4. ‘Army of Darkness’ is my Thanksgiving movie! I’m so not kidding. Actually it’s my anytime, anywhere movie. “Who wants some?”

    I liked ‘Tombstone’, okay. But I really loved ‘Wyatt Earp’ that came out about the same time. Both had amazing casts, but I gotta lean toward the one with Michael Madsen and Dennis Quaid.

    I gotta stick with Kurt and Val. And Michael Biehn in full-on crazy bastard mode, with Sam Elliott thrown in for good measure.

    Hmm, do I have a Thanksgiving movie? Oh yeah, Planes, Trains, & Automobiles. But that’s pale compared to our favorite family Christmas movie, The Ref. “I fuckin’ hate her, Lloyd.” In our house, that’s a quote with a million uses. 😀

  5. Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas. I can’t watch that movie sober, it’s so awful to me otherwise. But then again, Hunter S. Thompson wasn’t exactly sober himself, so it might not have been meant to be watched sober.

    You know, I’ve never seen that movie? I shouldn’t admit that, but it’s true.

    And yes, I think HST was pretty much always in some altered state or another.

  6. I agree with Becca, Fear and Loathing is much better drunk. I laugh my ass off everytime I watch that movie after I’ve been drinking.

    I think I may have to get drunk tonight and go through my movie collection.

    The Matrix Reloaded was on when I started pouring myself a drink last night, but after a few minutes I took DC’s recommendation and changed the channel.

    I ended up playing drunken Rock Band & GH3 for a few hours. Still fun!

  7. Billy Madison…

    You’d have to be drunk. That’s pretty much my least favorite Sandler movie (that I’ve seen, at least). The Waterboy would probably be a good one – especially during football season, after the evening games.

  8. The Ref is great. I’m so bummed it hasn’t become a Christmas classic.

    It is in my house! It’s one of Dyskinesia’s favorite movies of all time.

  9. HOW DARE YOU slag off Highlander!!!!! It’s one of my very favourite films ever, but then I’m plastered most of the time anyway. 😀

    Can I add The Lost Boys, also a definite “best watched when you’re pissed, but still a goodie” film, and- best of all- Excalibur. If you’ve never seen it, it is most definitely the one you’ll want to watch after that 1am pizza and when you’re looking for anything left in your house that has any alcoholic content at all.

    Wow- I miss my student days! 😀 Kids have sucked all ability out of me to sit up late enough!!!

    Oh HELL yes, especially Excalibur! I saw that movie for the first time when I was…well, way too young to watch a full-armor rape scene. But AWESOME movie, and the actor playing Merlin goes so over-the-top that it would be hysterical while inebriated.

  10. I’m glad you guys love The Ref.

    I thought of a perfect movie for you last night but got drunk and forgot it. A good movie may be Shakes The Clown. Johnny Dangerously might be a good choice. Maybe a Johnny Dangerously/Bugsy Malone double feature?

    I do like this concept.

    I never watched Shakes, although I think I remember the one you’re talking about. Johnny Dangerously is a pretty good choice. “I can hear again! And I can see! …But who am I?”

  11. I don’t know why but for some strange reason I have this distinct memory of my dad making all us kids watch Big Trouble in Little China when we were between the ages of 5-11…maybe it’s the cornerstone of my childhood or something? Hahaha… 😉

    He MADE you watch it? I agree, but I think my wife would smack me upside the head if I MADE our son watch!

  12. OMG, I love The Ref. But then again, Denis Leary’s one of my favorite comedians.

    My best friend used to play “No Cure for Cancer” on all our road trips. And we’d sing the “Irish Drinking Song” while, well, drinking.

  13. Tombstone is on our shelf just waiting to be watched…while intoxicated, apparently. I’ve never seen it, but I look forward to increasing my mental quote library.

    Clue is awesome. “I am your singing telegram.” BAM.

    Yes, definitely give Tombstone a try. Val Kilmer as Doc Holliday in particular is a quote library waiting to happen in that movie.

    And I TOTALLY heard the singing telegram in my head. Awesome.

  14. Shakes The Clown has been called “The Citizen Kane of alcoholic clown movies.” The opening is so wrong that, if you get past it, the rest is a breeze. Sort of.

    Seeing Mrs. Brady play a wanton woman is worth the price of admission. The movie is actually quite a mediation on the stand up comedy scene.

    Hah! Now with the Citizen Kane description, I should check it out!

  15. Rockula! The rockinest vampire movie of all time!

    Okay, so I haven’t seen it since the early 90’s BUT I probably was drunk.

    What reminded me of it was finding the soundtrack on a site. Thomas Dolby! Toni Basil! Bo Diddley!

    The 80’s just wouldn’t die. Just like Rockula!

    Okay, I admit, never seen it. But I DID see a B-movie from hell called “Shock ’em Dead,” which was about a total geek who made a deal with the devil to be the greatest rock guitarist alive. Here’s a hint as to its quality: Traci Lords got top billing. But the guitar shots were all done by Michael Angelo Batio, so that was fantastic.

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