Advice for the love-struck

I gave a friend some advice today that I think makes sense. But hey, maybe some disagree. Comment and tell me what you think.

As for love…I think my advice is twofold: 1) Don’t overthink it, just try to be in the moment and enjoy the ride, and 2) try to focus on how the relationship makes you feel about yourself rather than how the other person makes you feel.

For #1,I think if you spend too much time trying to decide “Is this love? Is this person The One?” then you can unconsciously and unwillingly pressurize the situation. There’s plenty of time to allow the feelings to define themselves; in the meantime, if you enjoy each others’ company, that’s plenty.

As for #2, the two are interlocked, for sure, but the best part of relationship is finding out what they bring out in you, the good and the bad. It’s easy to fall into a trap of “I only feel this way because this person gives this to me…OMG, I can’t lose this person or I lose the feeling!” That’s not exactly true, and it can make you try too hard, hold on too tightly, etc. If you remember that part of the feeling comes from within you, you can maintain some sense of independence, confidence, and balance within the relationship, and in the long term that’s what you want.

Ultimately, I think that the true definition of “love” is when you can love someone and love yourself while you’re doing it.

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3 Responses

  1. Actually, I think that’s really good advice. I think too many people in too big of a rush to define something, or decide “where it’s going”. I know I’m guilty of it.

  2. Me too. It’s always easier to be objective in the third person, ain’t it?

  3. Yup. It’s like I told my therapist once, “I can solve everybody else’s problems, but when it comes to my own, I’m braindead.” Go figure.

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