I completely agree. But I was an absolute survey junkie in my Myspace days, so perhaps I’m the wrong person to ask.

Probably wouldn’t surprise his neighbors.

It has to be said though: That underlying vibrating back and forth beat? Totally the sound from the Tank Plus Atari game. You’re welcome.

No wonder I was so turned on.

I accept your bow but understand that I am watching you closely for the attempted palace coup that is sure to come.

How many times has Dys said, “Enough with the porn” in your life?

Not as many as one might expect. By which I mean you could write the number on one piece of paper.

My girlfriend watches General Hospital. Sometimes. I say that because she has a theory, which has proven true, that whenever something happens it happens mid-afternoon so there has to be a special news report. I can attest to that because I get the calls at work. Whenever she calls around 3 I know some shit’s going down.

Kicked the dog in the head? I wonder what Freud would think of that?

Isn’t radio great? You can do personal grooming while working.

My girlfriend was a coasterhead for years. We’ve still hit a few. The last one we were on was with the kid and another kid we called the auxiliary daughter (in case the kid failed to live up to expectations we’d pull in the auxiliary daughter). I’m sitting next to AD. We’re going up the last and biggest hill and as we hit the apex I turn to the AD, who’s been screaming and punching me, and say, “Hey look!” I point to the parking lot. “You can see the car.” She looks into the parking lot, was surprised by the decline and starts screaming. “That’s not funny.” I, as you’d assume, disagreed and laughed all the way down. When we got off the coaster she kicked me all the way through the park.

HAH! That is awesome.

Congratulations on the promotion!

This could just be me, but, I think Fidgety Mofo should become your rock band name.

I love when you came up with the quirkiest quirk and she scoffs at it! Gawd damn that’s brilliant! “Oh, darlin’, nobody knows the quirks that I have seen.”

Did you say GO MEAT? Oh, go me. I’m let down. My girlfriend and I say go meat all the time. I was hoping we weren’t alone in meat cheers. See now, I figured we were all connected because my girlfriend doesn’t throw anything out either. If there was only go meat in your day you could be the southern version.

Finally! A foundation I can get behind. The Make A Dirty Wish Foundation.

If it involves Salma, I’m all for it.

Wow, the what would you do if you knew you had a week to live question was asked of me a week or so ago. My response was, “I’d piss on my grave. I figure the lines going to be line so I’d better get to it early.” Why do people ask me questions like that? They’re always disappointed.

HAHAHAH! I am NOT disappointed by that one.

No, it’s not what 13 years of togetherness does to you. It’s what guy hearing does to you. And I’ll prove it. Right after you give him the set up there’s some sand talk, you caution people to keep the sand out of the gutter, and he takes it to the groin. See? That’s how it’ll always go with guys.

I love the laugh after “He thinks he’s getting laid.” Oh wait. I don’t like that. I hear it all to often.

Thanks for talking about music. My girlfriends been listening to death metal. She likes it. The gray cat pictured on the site (Bundeschwager)? Not so much. She turns it on and he stands up straight and looks in the direction of the sound horrified. I laugh my ass off each time.

“. . .to go with the sweet over the meat!” Hahahahahahaha. I guess that would make you a power bottom (a term I learned recently but still don’t know exactly what it means. And no, I’m not curious enough to ask nor look up). See? There was a gay joke in there.

The scary part is that I can immediately picture what a “power bottom” might be.

You see, we pulled into this bar we’d never been to and it turned out to be a gay bar. When I pointed it out to her she still was clueless. Even after I pointed to the four foot drawing of a buff, shirt opened guy and the flibbertigibbet bartender. But, as things often work for me, my girlfriend loved the bartender (he is very good at his job and gets her HAM-MERED. Hmmmmm. Nah, I’m not going to think that one through) so we go there every couple of months and learn all kindsa new things.

Human hunting, seriously, a couple of go meats in your day and you are the southern us.

Have you seen the movies The Aristocrats and Fuck: The Documentary? Fucking awesome movies. My girlfriend doesn’t find me funny but one night, before she’d seen Aristocrats, I did the joke for her and it was the hardest she’d ever laughed. It was easy. I know how gross she is so could really blast one. The bad part is we were at a bar and the 3-4 people behind her, who heard the joke from word one but started to really pay attention about a quarter way through, had the widest, most shell-shocked expressions. At the end, she’s laughing and I see these people staring at me. Perfect! Getting laughs and horrifying people at the same time? A win/win.

I loved the boy stories.

Oh man! I know the hard xmas buying shit. So I stopped. 4-5 years ago I just started handing her money. She bitches that I don’t surprise her but I point out when I do she fucking hates it. I cut out the middle man and bring the savings to her!

That was a lot of fun. I had a bunch of laughs. It was like being in a cool conversation but without my ruining it by joining it. Thanks. That was an enjoyable show.

Thanks, man, I’m glad you enjoyed it!

Not you. Totally him. Ew. I think you might want to cool it on the half-naked tattoo, even if the tattoos are really cool.

Roger that. This episode will DEFINITELY replay in my head the next time I get the urge.