I’ve decided to put the blog on hold for a while.
Really, it took a friend talking to me about an unrelated subject last week to make me realize that, in fact, I’ve just been sort of going through the motions for… what, six months now, with a couple of spotty breaks in and amongst that? That’s just not good. I never wanted to do this sort of thing out of some sense of obligation, I wanted to post because I had stuff to say. And coming from a guy with MY reputation as a wordy sumbitch, this has just been an unusually quiet time for me. I’ve stopped participating in my favorite motorcycle board, I haven’t been really reading or commenting on anyone elses’ blogs, I’ve dropped off of Twitter, I’ve been slow to reply to emails (not just you guys, but hell, even at work!) – and yeah, I’ve stopped posting everything but Monday Musics. I kept thinking if I just kept the MM momentum alive, then when I got back to myself again, it would be easier to just crank everything back up. And that may be true, but it still leaves me going about this without the right frame of mind. Better, I think, to just walk away and come back when the time is right.
I think, really, what it comes down to is that for the last 20 years I’ve lived my life online to a degree that is, quite frankly, kinda shocking. First there was the old MUD, then over time I slowly began to accumulate other online homes and change my focus from one to another as the years when by: a couple of online forums, Myspace, then this blog, and then Twitter and all that sort of thing. (I’ve still resisted the pull of Facebook, that’s like the last online bandwagon I have yet to jump onto. It’ll probably come eventually, but not quite yet.) For whatever reason, lately, I just…haven’t…been…feeling it.
I’ve gotten just plain old tired of sitting in front of a computer screen, to a level that I haven’t in a long, long, long time. I’ve been blessed with a cornucopia of wonderful online friends over the last two decades, definitely and prominently including several of you fine folks. But I have to be honest and admit that I’ve often done so to the detriment of forging real bonds with people I can see face-to-face. I’ve let the internet be my support network. Which is fine, but not as one’s ONLY support group, you know?
Hell, when it comes down to it, I kinda have an internet addiction. I’m at a point at which there are big changes underway in my life, and I’m committed to being and doing better. So one of the things I’m trying to do is get out there, spend some time with local people, and that sort of thing. I didn’t really intend to step away from the ‘net so much, but while this has been going on, it’s sort of felt right.
I’m not dead, I’m not dying, I’m not depressed…well, I have been depressed, but I’m actually in a phase of getting better. Much better, I think, and I don’t think I’m fooling myself to believe so. And it’s not y’all, it’s me. (Heheheh, had to work in a breakup cliche here!) Y’all know I love ya. Pretty much all of you have my email address – and if you don’t, duh, look in the sidebar! – and hell, most of you have my phone number. Y’all can holler if you want, whenever you want. It’s all good.
At some point, I intend to come back – when I’ve let my pendulum swing too far on the not-so-much-with-the-online-stuff side for a while and then come back to find a nice balance. For now, though, I’m just going to walk my walk and think about it internally, and I’ll bore you all with the details some other time.
Don’t ask me why, but this song has been on my mind for a week or so now. It feels appropriate for the moment, though, so I’m going to throw it up here as my last Monday Music for a while.
Neil Young, “Heart of Gold”
Love and serenity to all of you.
Catch ya on the flip side.