So, ever since a certain blog of mine a week or so back, and definitely since Sarah’s blog on Saturday, I’ve been thinking about boobs.
Well, duh, I’m a red-blooded straight American guy, I’m always thinking about boobs. I mean, have you SEEN my wife’s rack? Well, no, I guess not. But trust me, if you were married to her, you’d think about boobs a lot, too.
Specifically, though, I’ve been thinking about the proper and ethical use of boobs. My wife is occasionally known to flash me to distract or bribe me, and from the discussions I’ve had with other ladies (and a couple of comments on my blog), while not necessarily universal, it’s certainly not uncommon. And I guess not. I guarantee it’s about as effective a method as any you could name short of actual sexual favors. I think it works better on me than dangling the keys to a shiny new motorcycle, and that’s saying something.
My question is this: When is it appropriate to use the girls to get your own way? I mean, clearly it’s fine for my wife to full-flash me to convince me to go out for pizza instead of her having to cook. And clearly it’s not okay for my coworkers to do so to convince me to cover them for an extra-long lunch (and thank god for that). So there are some absolutes. But that leaves a whoooole lot of grey area, people. And grey area is fun to talk about.
So, what about it?
How many dates do you go on with a fella before it’s okay to flash-bribe him? [Ed: Okay, "flash-bribe" is TOTALLY going into the Glossary.]
Is it okay to show a cop a little cleavage to get out of a ticket?
Pull the top down to get a promotion, or a better grade in class?
As for the dates, I dunno. I’ve only been in two relationships that were really worthy of the name, and the first was with a mildly prudish church-girl. She wasn’t shy about ‘em, but she didn’t exactly pull a flash-bribe sort of thing, either. It wasn’t the sort of thing she was playful about. (Too bad.) My wife, on the other hand, knows what she’s got and how to work it. (WOOHOO!) But we met online and moved in together a little quickly to judge “dates” by. So I’m going to say 10-12 dates, or when you move in with him, whichever is sooner.
Showing some cleavage to a cop I think is okay. Actual naked boobage, not so much, but cleavage, sure. As I told Sarah, I figure there’s a 50-50 chance it’ll either work or backfire, so it’s up to you to roll the dice or not.
Cleavage to the boss or the professor, hmm, I say not so cool. But maybe I’m just jealous.
Talk amongst yourselves. Give new scenarios for us to debate, it’s all good. It’s boobies we’re talkin’ about here, how can that be anything but awesome?
Filed under: A Nice Guy Speaks, Life and other states of existence, War Between the Sexes
I’ve flashed the BF aplenty, but I don’t think it was ever part of a bribe. But that does give me a new strategy…
Heh. I suppose I wasn’t necessarily clear. I don’t think of it as a direct bribe…”I’ll show you my boobs and in return you do what I ask.” But it is one of those things that my wife does, playfully, and it always makes me smile. And when I’m feeling good like that, suddenly putting down my book or whatever and doing something to help her out feels pretty natural.
That make sense?
My girls stay fully covered at the office. Not even the idea of getting a rise (er, raise) will have me exposing them to the pervs.
I once had a boss tell me that if I let him grab my boobs he could tell me exactly what size bra I wear. Uh HELL NO!
But, at home it is no holds barred. All is fair in love and boobies.
Yeah, not so much to the boss. I’d say “Let me grab your crotch so I can tell you how small your wang is and how I’ll never respect you again.”
Good for Mr. J!
I never used my rack at work (it was a library for cryin out loud…though that may have made it interesting)and honestly I never considered it an option in the workplace.
But, upon further review I realized that I actually use them more than is most likely recommended. I use them on the hubs all the time so that I can get things I want (it’s a distraction measure) and by things I want I mean like not having to cook dinner, get him to take me out to a movie, get him to put the gas in my car, so on and so forth.
But, along with giving the cop a half peep show I realized that I have used them at McDonald’s once when I wanted a damned egg mcmuffin (I was so hung over and it was the only thing I wanted to eat, nothing else would suffice). I pulled my top down a little, squeezed the girls together and totally leaned over that counter, and if memory serves there was some Marilyn Monroe-esque type breathy talk going on. (I did get that damned egg mcmuffin at 11:15, they stopped serving breakfast at what, 11? Fifteen minutes wasn’t going to kill anyone, right?)
So, after thinking about it…Hooray for Boobies!
At first I was going to say that you SHOULD use the boobs at the library, maybe it would get more people into reading! But then I remembered the average crowd that actually hangs out at the average public library as opposed to the people who go in and out in 10 minutes or less, and yeah, not so much a good idea.
Where the hubby is concerned, if he’s not complaining or yawning, it’s all good!
I agree that McD’s is a fair usage. And I definitely agree on Hooray for Boobies!
I agree with Betme and Sarah about work– NEVER. That could backfire in a very big way. Plus, I work with a bunch of geezers.
I’ve been pulled over twice (no tix) and was way too shaken up to even think about cleavage.
It seems to me that using the girls to get a bit of extra good service at a restaurant from a mail waiter would be completely acceptable. I am sure there are some good retail opportunities as well (”Um sir, can you look and see if you have any more xxx?”)
Two perfectly good examples!