How to ask a girl out - Mechanics: Lessons from the Gamer

Mechanics: Lessons from the Gamer

There are, in fact, an infinite number of ways to ask a girl out.

You can just walk up to her and say “Hey, Susie, I’m thinking of going to the football game on Friday night and I’d really love it if you would join me.”

You can walk up to her and grunt: “You. Me. Football game. Friday night, 7. See you there.” And walk away. Dragging your knuckles.

You can send her a football with a note taped to it: “Friday! Friday! Friday! Outside the football stadium, 7pm! Look for this guy!” And tape a picture of yourself to the ball.

You can stand outside her window, holding a boombox over your head, and play Peter Gabriel’s “In Your Eyes.” (Guys, if you don’t get that reference, you’re down on your chick flicks. That’s probably a good thing.)

Or you can do what I would have done in high school. Shuffle up to her aimlessly, steadfastly avoid looking her in the eye, and say: “Um, Susie? Uh, hi. Yeah. How was school today? Heheh, yeah, it sucked for me too. Mr. Johnson is a bastard. Um, hey, you’re probably not interested, but would you like to go to the football game with me? No? Oh, no, it’s okay. Yeah. Bye.” And then go home and obsess over it for a week.

I was a fucking stud.

So. How should you do it? This is, after all, what you came here for, right?

The answer is: it depends. On a lot of things, but mostly on YOU.

Look at the guys you know that go on lots of dates with lots of girls. They probably have what we call “game.” They have a kind of smooth manner, they’ve got self-confidence, they crack jokes, and they’re fairly successful.

There are several elements there: some good, some bad. You want to have the good elements but not the bad ones.

So here’s the main bad element: these guys have just that. “Game.” It’s a game. It’s not real, it’s not really them. They create a sort of caricature of themselves and throw that up as a barrier between the real them and whatever girl they’re approaching. That caricature can be unassailable, and they’ll slough off and/or deny any failure it has as not really happening. More likely, however, is that they’ve developed that caricature as a sort of mask. Any rejection that happens…well, it happens to the mask, not to the guy. It’s not ME that she rejected, man, she rejected my line. My game. Oh well, on to the next one.

I’ll give it to the Gamer dudes: that sort of approach works. But it’s not real. And I’d advise you to be real. It’s more honest, and whatever happens with you and this girl you’re approaching, you’ll enjoy it a lot more if you can just be honest with yourself about it. Approach her because you like her and she fascinates you and you’re already a step ahead of the Gamer who just wants to see if he can get her to go out with him (make out with him/get in her pants/whatever).

Now here are the things you want to learn from the Gamer. First, he’s got confidence. He looks her in the eye. He smiles at her. He engages her. Girls are drawn to that. So do it. It’s not all that hard, really. In this case, you may be nervous as holy hell, and you may find it difficult not to break into a sweat and damn near impossible to look her in the eye. Do it anyway, man.

Better yet, if you’re nervous, come right out and say it. Get it above board and suddenly it’s not something else you’re struggling with. It’s not you trying to engage Susie and not look nervous at the same time, it’s just you and her. And most girls find an admission of weakness, followed by a show of the courage to soldier on despite weakness, very attractive. (But don’t fake it if it’s not there, that’s just cheesy.) And, psst. Buddy. The ones that don’t find it attractive probably aren’t the girls you really want to be devoting yourself to anyway.

So try it. Looking her in the eye: “Hey, Susie. Man, this makes me nervous. Would you like to go to the football game with me Friday night?” You may think it’s lame, but that takes balls, my friend. You know it, I know it, and she knows it.

The second thing to learn from the Gamer is that he knows it’s a game. Win or lose, tomorrow there’s another game. Like we said above, you’re one up on the Gamer because you’re not playing a game. But remembering that there is a tomorrow, regardless of today, is good. Yes or no, you’re the same guy, and a “no” answer doesn’t mean you’re not a good guy with a lot to offer. It means it didn’t work out with this girl on this day. Tomorrow is another day. And maybe another girl, if not tomorrow, then maybe a month from now. It’ll sting but you can go on, and you will.

Now. Beyond the lessons of the Gamer, what do YOU do? What should you do on the date?

You can go on to the Table of Contents, or on to Part 6.