Weekend Babe

OK, so last week I wrote the Weekend Babe post on Friday and set it to publish on Saturday.  This week I say to heck with that.  Listen, y’all…I’ve got a confession to make.  I’ve got a wife and kid.  White picket fence and all that.  It’s true. On weekends, I try to stay unplugged as much as possible and, you know, spend time with those folks what live in my house and have my last name.  And my wife pointed out that sometimes it’s nice to know that you’re not missing anything on your favorite blog over the weekends, because those folks don’t blog on weekends.  Fair enough.  So, barring special circumstances, you won’t miss anything by skipping my blog on Saturdays and Sundays.

Anywho, moving right along to the important stuff.  I’m still looking into Rogue’s request for chickonabike pictures (a request that I can take to heart, I assure you!), but for now I’m going to keep with the gorgeous-gal-knockout-body-but-KILLER-smile theme and offer you the lovely Kelly Brook.

Yep, you’re thinking the same thing I am.  “Billy Zane?  No.  You’re shitting me.  Billy.  ZANE.  Is married to HER?!?!?  Can I see a copy of his contract with Satan, you know, just to see what counts as a competitive bid for that type of payoff?  Surely just Billy Zane’s immortal soul isn’t worth all THAT.  That would be like trading a spankin’ new Ducati for a Chevette.”

My Funny Week

I hate it when I get all serious n’ shit.

Well, this week’s posts seem all serious. Which is somewhat unusual; it’s just so happened that I’ve seen a lot of things to make me introspective this week. That and I’ve been blogging a day in advance all week. So everything to me seems to exist a little disjointed in time. It’s like I’m a comic book character, waking up to say “Holy shit! I’m a day in the past! And I’ve been resurrected for the 23^rd time and my time-displaced son has knocked up my ex-wife’s time-displaced daughter’s evil clone!”

Geek aside: One of my favorite quotes from all of my comic geek days was a shot from an X-Men comic, 1990 or so:

Sentinel: (big ass killer robot): Threat eliminated. Target Marvel Girl is dead.

Trevor Fitzroy (super-villain): A condition with which, I understand, she is most familiar.

So anyway, fuck it, I’ve also seen/heard/said/thought a lot of amusing stuff over the last week, it’s just that none of it was substantial enough to find its way into a blog. But I can sure as hell combine ‘em all. So here’s a scattershot sampling of Funny Shit That Happened Around Me This Week.

• Seen on a minivan bumper sticker in a school parking lot: A pink ribbon with the slogan “Save The Ta-tas.”
• My wife, commenting on dinner last night: “We could get some of this when your parents come to town. My mom wouldn’t like it, though.” Me: “Your mom wouldn’t like chocolate chip cookie orgasms. She’d send ‘em back and say they were too sweet.”
• Myself, listening to “Welcome to the Jungle” in the car the other day: “This shit is pretty good, but I’m suddenly wondering what it would have been like if Stephen Adler was replaced with Jason Bittner or some double-bass death metal drummer. Just take the first segment of that video, when he’s playing it slower, and think about it… budududududuBAPbududududu…in the JUNGLE! Welcome to the JUNGLE! Budududududdududududududud…”
• I know, I need help.
• My coworker, talking to an orientation of freshman honors students: “You are our best and our brightest, and we’re here to give you the tools to be better, brighter, to advance knowledge farther, to…
  Me (interrupting): Tom, you’re giving them the Six Million Dollar Man speech, and these kids are about 15 years too young to know it.
• I got my first glimpse of the Herbert “H-Dog” Kornfeld memorial T-shirt today. Mourn ya ‘til I join ya, indeed.
• And finally, I leave you with this goodie, found on a Myspace page. Don’t we all need one of these, men?